Whether in television shows, video games, movies, or our own homes and neighbor-hoods, teen violence is a concern to families and schools in every community. Our job as parents and caring adults is to empower our teens with the information and guidance they need to make life-affirming, non-violent choices. We have a responsibility to discuss anger and violence with our children and teens. The following are some strategies to help keep teen violence from destroying our family lifestyles.
~ Help teens manage anger and anxiety.
Under pressure to perform and fit in, teens often find it difficult to channel anger and anxiety in healthy, non-violent ways. Talk to your son or daughter about these feelings. Help them to understand that these are normal feelings and help them find ways to channel these feelings in constructive, positive ways. Teach them to be able to detect early signs of anger within themselves (heart rate, clenched fists, stomach ache, etc.). Teach them ways to de-escalate such as counting to twenty, taking a time out, and especially moving away from whoever or whatever is the cause of their anger. Explain the advantages of physical exercise. Physical activity releases endorphins in the brain, which are the body's "Feel Good" chemical. Talk to your child or teen about conflict and how it occurs in all facets of life. Let them know that conflict is a natural process in relationships, however, it is important to focus on conflict resolution and constructive "win-win" types of negotiation and resolution.
~ Discuss with your child or teen media messages of violence and anti-social content.
Your family can make a conscious choice to allow less violent influences in your home. Use TV as a discussion tool to question how your son or daughter feels about the anger and violence they are viewing. Also try to discuss the words in the music your son or daughter listens to. Try not to be too judgmental, you want your son or daughter to be able to think about it and evaluate the messages for themselves. Point out and praise examples of people who are brave enough to walk away from fights and violence or choose not to use weapons. Also, point out messages and examples of respect, courtesy, and other positive virtues you would like your son or daughter to follow.
~ Empower your teen to protect themselves and others from violence.
Encourage your teen to openly discuss conflicts with teachers, peers, and class-mates. If your child or teen is experiencing a conflict at school that they feel they cannot resolve, have them talk to a school counselor to find a peaceful solution. Encourage your teen to stick up for peers who are being bullied. At the same time, teach them to stay away from peers who are known troublemakers. Keep track of your son or daughter's whereabouts after school when dangerous activity has a higher chance of occurring.
~ Allow teens to make choices.
Giving teens freedom to make choices and have input in things that are important to them such as friendships, activities, and plans, gives them the confidence they need to choose wisely when they are out on their own. Use current events about gang activity, drugs, violence, etc. to discuss dangerous behavior and their consequences. Talk to them about the consequences of violence and the possible consequences of the choices they are making for themselves. Get to know your son or daughter's friends and their parents. Discuss with other parents your concerns and share important information with each other.
If you notice violent tendencies in your own child or teen, such as irrational outbursts, aggressive behavior, or uncontrolled anger, etc., talk to your son or daughter's teacher(s) and the school counselor. Talking with a school counselor can help your child or teen identify sources of anger and ways to control their anger or anxiety so it doesn't lead to involvement in acts of violence.
Resource information taken from "Talking with Your Teens about Teens and Violence" - Wigand & Mason
HABLANDO CON SUS ADOLESCENTES ACERCA DE
EL ENOJO Y LA VIOLENCIA
Ya sea en los programas de televisión, los video juegos, películas o nuestros propios hogares y vecindarios, la violencia en los adolescentes es algo que preocupa a las familias en las escuelas y cada comunidad. Nuestro trabajo como padres y adultos cuidadosos es dar a los jóvenes la información y guía que ellos necesitan, para hacer decisiones que sean no violentas y afirmativas en sus vidas. Nosotros tenemos una responsabilidad de discutir la cólera y la violencia con nuestros niños y jóvenes. Las siguientes son algunas estrategias para ayudarnos a detener la violencia juvenil de destruír nuestro estilo de vida familiar.
- Ayude a sus adolescentes a manejar su cólera y su ansiedad.
Bajo la presión de presentarse y caer bien, a menudo los adolescentes encuentran difícil como canalizar su enojo y su ansiedad en forma saludable, no violenta. Hable a su hijo o hija de estos sentimientos. Ayúdeles a entender que estos son sentimientos naturales y les ayudan a encontrar las vías para canalizar estos sentimientos en formas positivas y constructivas. Enséñeles a ser capaces de detecar síntomas tempranos de enojo dentro de ellos mismos (el ritmo del corazón, puños apretados, dolor de estómago, etc.) Enséñeles las formas de tranquilizarse, tal como contar hasta veinte, tomar un tiempo libre, y especialmente apartarse de cualquiera que sea la causa de su enojo. Explíqueles las ventajas de los ejercicios físicos. Los actividades físicas dejan escapar endocrinas en el celebro, lo que hace que el cuerpo se "Sienta Bien" químicamente. Hable a su niño o adolescente acerca de los confictos y como suceden en todas las facetas de la vida. Hágales saber que los conflictos son un proceso natural en las relaciones, pero es importante enfocarse en resolver el conflicto y en encontrar formas y tipos de negociaciones y resoluciones constructivas de "ganar-ganar".
~ Discuta con su niño o adolescente los mensajes de violencia y contenido anti-social.
Su familia puede hacer una decisión consciente de permitir menos influencia de violencia en su hogar. Use la televisión como un instrumento de discusión acerca de como su hijo/a se siente en relación a la violencia y la cólera que ellos están viendo. Tambien trate de discutir las palabras en la música que sus hios escuchan. No trate de ser como un juez, lo que usted quiere es que su hijo/a sean capaces de pensar acerca de ésto y evaluar los mensajes por ellos mismos. Señale y alabe a las personas ejemplares que son lo suficientemente valientes para caminar fuera de peleas y violencia o elijan no usar armas. Tambien, señale mensajes y ejemplos de respeto, cortesía, y otras virtudes positivas que a usted le gustaría que su hijo/a siga.
~ Enforce en sus adeloecntes la protección a ellos mismos y a otros de la violencia.
Anime a sus adolescentes a discutir abiertamente sus problemas con los maestros, amigos y compañeros de clase. Si su hijo/a o adolescente está esperimentando un conflicto en la escuela, que ellos sientan que no pueden resolver, hágalos hablar con el consejero de la escuela, para encontrar una solución pacífica. Anímelos a respaldar a otros amigos que estén siendo molestados. Al mismo tiempo enséñeles a estar largo de amigos que son conocidos como problemáticos. Mantenga un seguimiento de lo que está pasando con su hijo/a despues de clases, cuando las actividades peligrosas tienen una alta positilidad de suceder.
~ Permita que sus adolescentes hagan elecciones.
Dando a los adolescentes la libertad de elegir y tener información en cosas que son importantes para ellos como la amistad, actividades y planes les da confianza de que necesitan elegir inteligentemente cuando estén solos afuera. Utilice los eventos acuales relacionados con actividades de pandillas, drogas, violencia, etc., para discutir los comportamientos peligrosos y sus consecuencias. Hábleles de la violencia, sus resultados y las posibles consecuencias de las decisiones que puedan hacer por ellos mismos. Conozca a los amigos de sus hijos y a sus padres. Hable con otros padres de sus preocupaciones y comparta inormaciones importantes para todos.
Si usted nota tendencias violentas en su propio niño o adolescente, como arrebatos irracionales, comportamiento agresivo o enojo descontrolado, etc., hable con el maestro o consejero de su hijo/a en su escuela. Hablando con un consejero escolar puede ayudar a su hijo o adolescente a identificar las razones de su enojo y las formas de controlar su enojo o ansiedad, para que no llegue a terminar en actos violentos.
Información del recurso tomada de "hablar con sus adolescencias
sobre adolescencias y violencia" - Wigand y Masón
Elementary School Family Life
PARENTING STYLES & CHILDREN'S TEMPERAMENTS:
HOW EFFECTIVE PARENTING CAN HELP
REDUCE PARENT-CHILD CONFLICTS
Child development researchers, who have studied patterns of parenting for years, have categorized four basic styles of parenting and their effects on children. These four styles are:
Authoritarian parents who are highly controlling in their use of authority and rely on punishment. They allow little freedom of expression and do not encourage give and take. They do not allow their children to express any disagreement with their decisions. Researchers found that children of authoritarian parents tend to lack social competence, have lower self-esteem and rarely take initiative in a group. They show less intellectual curiosity and usually rely on the voice of authority.
Authoritative parents who are warm and communicate well with their children. At the same time they retain authority, stay in control, and expect mature behavior from their children. They respect their child's independence and decisions, but also hold firm on their own positions. They allow enough freedom of expression so that the child can feel a sense of independence. Researchers found that in terms of social competence, the children of these parents were best adjusted.
Permissive parents who are warm and accepting, but mainly concerned about not stifling their child's creativity. They make few demands for mature behavior; often want to be a friend to their child. Researchers found that the children of these parents often have poor impulse control, are immature and reluctant to take responsibility.
Uninvolved Parents who demand little and respond minimally. In some cases this could be considered neglect or rejection.
Along with recognizing parenting styles it is important to recognize the temperament your son or daughter was born with. Child development experts have established that children are born with a tendency toward certain moods and styles of reacting to people and events in their lives in specific ways. This is called temperament. There are three basic styles of temperament:
Easy children are calm, happy, regular in sleeping and eating, and adaptable.
Difficult children are often fussy, fearful of new situations, easily upset, high strung, and intense in their reactions.
Slow to warm up children are relatively inactive and fussy, tend to withdraw at first and then gradually become more positive with experience and familiarity. However, temperament is not destiny. Family interactions and other experiences can make a difference. Parents who are attuned to their child or teen's tem¬perament can recognize their particular strengths and will find life more harmonious.
You may want to think about your own temperament and parenting style and how they match up with your son or daughter's temperament. Being aware of how your parenting style matches to their temperament helps to avoid unnecessary conflicts. This becomes especially useful when your child becomes a teen and is attempting to separate from you and strive for independence.
Here are some further suggestions to keep in mind:
Be aware of your own needs and the ways in which your role as a parent is colored by your relationship with your own parents.
Respect your son/daughter's uniqueness without comparing them to others. Praising them for their own ideas and accomplishments will boost self-image and encourage independence.
Make communication a priority. Take time to explain your motives and decisions, yet be open and listen to your son/daughter's point of view.
Take every opportunity to address your son/daughter's real needs as they arise.
Make expectations clear. Setting limits will help your son/daughter develop self-control.
Be a good role model. Model how to disagree without being disagreeable. This is a skill your son/daughter will use throughout life.
Information has been compiled from various
educational and counseling resources