Adolescence brings major emotional, physical, and psychological changes in teens. In addition, pressures around school, dating and friendships become more important as well. All these changes powerfully affect your role as a parent. Additionally, teens are now exposed to so much more in popular culture about drugs, drinking, sex and other adult issues and yet they are still just teens. It seems they are growing up faster than ever before, with a greater need for parental guidance and love.
Despite all this, teens are adjusting well. Teens today are less likely to drink, smoke, do drugs, get pregnant, commit a crime or drop out of school, compared to their parents' generation. They volunteer more than ever and are more spiritual. Most teens would even say they have positive relationships with their parents, siblings and friends. In short, they are finding their way, but not without the involvement of YOU, the parent.
You don't have to be a biology teacher or an expert to help your teen deal with the changes of adolescence. Here are some facts that will help you understand the challenges encountered in different phases of adolescent development. Your job is to guide teens through these challenges and help them avoid risky actions that pose potential problems to their safety and well-being.
Middle Adolescence (14-16 Years)
The Awkward Years
Teens are sexually mature enough to make pregnancy possible. Acne is common, more so in boys. Hormones level off around age 15 for girls and 16 or 17 for boys. Girls usually reach adult size by age 16. Many teens are learning how to relate to the opposite sex and starting to explore romantic relationships. Teens may change relationships often as they try on different identities.
Hormones may also affect your teen's emotional health. Some boys may experience anger, aggression and other powerful emotional outbursts. Others may withdraw emotionally from the family due to expectations about masculinity. Many girls have sudden, dramatic mood swings, or struggle with self-esteem or body image.
What You Can Do
Parents should communicate their values about sex with their teen. Talk about the risks of sexual behavior and discuss healthy dating relationships, including respect and responsibility. Parents can also help smooth the emotional bumps through balance. Let your teens know you're there if they need you, but don't be intrusive. Give them the psychological space they need. If you demonstrate your continued interest in communicating, your teens will talk when they are ready.
Pushing The Envelope
Middle adolescence is often the most challenging time for parents. Hormones can fuel extreme emotions as teens start to separate from their parents. Teens begin to develop their identities, ideals and morals. They may disagree more about everyday issues and challenge limits. As they begin to "try on" different identities, they are more likely to take risks, such as using tobacco, drugs or alcohol.
What You Can Do
Teens want independence and the freedom to make choices. Parents can help by trying to subtly guide their decision-making, rather than controlling it. Don't shy away from saying what you think is best. Teens want to know where you stand. Avoid power struggles and revisit some limits as your teen matures.
The Bandwagon
Peers are a big influence, and peer groups often include members of the opposite sex. Teens are spending more time away from home. There is more social pressure to rebel against parental rules and limits. Bullying is common and often directed at teens who have low self-esteem, lack social skills or are socially isolated. Verbal bullying among girls is increasingly widespread and may include gossiping, name-calling and spreading of rumors.
What You Can Do
Parents can tap into teens' values on individuality by encouraging them to think for themselves and make independent decisions. If your teen suffers from low self-esteem or is the victim of bullying, help them build confidence by tapping into their interests and natural abilities and by providing opportunities to build social and coping skills. Watch for signs of mental health or school performance problems and seek help if needed.
"I'm Thinking About It"
Changes in the brain mean teens' appetite for excitement is at a high point, leading to more risk-taking. Their ability to use good judgment and decision-making is still limited. Complex thinking skills often emerge unevenly in teens, leading to patterns of thinking that frustrate many parents. Teens may be self-absorbed and think their peers and others are also constantly thinking about and looking at them. There is also a sense of personal immunity ("it can't happen to me"), and all-or-nothing thinking ("everybody hates me!").
What You Can Do
Because judgment is still immature, many teens might not think before they act. Parents should continue to provide structure and clear expectations. As a parent, you can help by not being dismissive of your teen, listening and helping her draw realistic conclusions about her concerns.
Late Adolescence (17-19 Years)
Feeling Grown-Up
Most teens are physically and sexually mature now, but are still developing socially and mentally. Boys generally reach adult size by age 17 or 18. Teens have a stronger sense of identity and desire more independence and respect. They are planning for the future and some get active in social causes.
What You Can Do
Parents can play a role as teens begin setting goals and thinking about life after high school. Encourage your teen to explore interests through community service or internships. If your teen leaves for college or moves away from home, stay connected through email and regular phone calls. Talk frankly about the risks of drinking, drug use and sexual behavior and your values and expectations. Stay involved. Ask about your teen's courses, work and other activities. Be supportive but encourage your teen to take responsibility for his/her choices.
Complex Thinkers
Older teens can think more abstractly and are better able to use good judgment and evaluate risks. However, the area of the brain that controls these functions won't be fully developed until age 25 or so.
What You Can Do
Older teens are also better able to use insight, perspective and moral reasoning in their decision-making. But they still need clear expectations and limits from their parents. Continue a dialogue about risky behaviors, including dangerous driving and substance use. Make sure your teen knows the rules and consequences for breaking them. At this stage, parents should be willing to renegotiate some limits, if appropriate.
Getting The Balancing Act Down
There is usually more balance between the influence of family and peers. Many teens have settled in with a core group of friends and are less vulnerable to peer pressure. Bullying and teasing tend to subside in late high school. As teens learn to control their emotions and look at things from multiple points of view, this is usually a calmer time of less parental conflict and more mutual respect. By now, teens recognize that their parents are not perfect, but are still important to them. Because of their maturing emotions, many get involved in more serious romantic relationships.
What You Can Do
Parents can still be a part of their teen's life by keeping the lines of communication open. Respect the individual your teen has become and remember to acknowledge his/her special qualities and accomplishments. Find common interests and pursue those activities together to stay connected.
Sources:
Keating, D.P. (1990). Adolescent thinking: In SS. Feldman & G.R. Elliott (Eds.), At the threshold: The developing adolescent (pp. 54-89). Cambridge: Harvard University Press.
National Institute of Mental Health (2001). Teenage brain: A work in progress. A brief overview of research into brain development during adolescence. Pub No. 01-4929. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
Wallis, Claudia. (2004). What Makes Teens Tick. Time. May 10, 2004.
Walsh, David. (2004). Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen. New York, NY: Free Press.
Elementary School Family Life
Teens Today: An Inside Look Early Adolescence: Ages 9 to 13
Adolescence brings major emotional, physical, and psychological changes in teens. In addition, pressures around school, dating and friendships become more important as well. All these changes powerfully affect your role as a parent. Additionally, teens are now exposed to so much more in popular culture about drugs, drinking, sex and other adult issues and yet they are still just teens. It seems they are growing up faster than ever before, with a greater need for parental guidance and love.
Despite all this, teens are adjusting well. Teens today are less likely to drink, smoke, do drugs, get pregnant, commit a crime or drop out of school, compared to their parents' generation. They volunteer more than ever and are more spiritual. Most teens would even say they have positive relationships with their parents, siblings and friends. In short, they are finding their way, but not without the involvement of YOU, the parent.
You don't have to be a biology teacher or an expert to help your teen deal with the changes of adolescence. Here are some facts that will help you understand the challenges encountered in different phases of adolescent development. Your job is to guide teens through these challenges and help them avoid risky actions that pose potential problems to their safety and well-being.
The Rush of Hormones
The first sign of adolescence is the start of puberty, triggered by the release of hormones, leading to sexual development. Puberty starts younger compared to 25 years ago, and on average begins two years earlier in girls than in boys. Puberty generally takes 2-4 years to complete.
What You Can Do
The dramatic physical changes of puberty make many teens highly self-conscious and preoccupied with body image and appearance. Some go through a period of awkwardness. Parents can help their teens adapt to these natural changes in several ways. Parents should respect their teen's growing need for privacy and not expect them to share all their thoughts and feelings. Let your teen know that he/she is normal, and try to talk openly about the changes he/she is experiencing. Monitor and talk to your teens about what they see in popular culture as well so they establish reasonable expectations and a reasonable evaluation of themselves.
The Mind Playing Tricks!
Other changes are also occurring in the brain. Just prior to puberty, the thinking part of the brain responsible for reasoning, problem-solving and impulse control grows dramatically. This area is refined throughout adolescence, affecting how the brain manages emotions, impulses and decision-making.
What You Can Do
The ability of teens to "put the brakes" on risk-taking and think through decisions is not fully developed. Young teens are also more likely to misread emotional signals, such as mistaking your concern for anger or criticism, which can lead to communication problems with parents. You can help by being patient, listening, avoiding generalizations, staying calm, and clearly spelling out your feelings. Don't leave any "gray areas" or room for misinterpretation when it comes to expectations. Be direct and specific to avoid any confusion. Sit down with your teen to set clear rules and consequences for violating them.
Trying on New Hats
Emotionally, teens are starting to separate from their parents and many don't want to be seen with them. Peers are becoming more important, helping teens test new ideas and roles. Close peer relationships are common. Some teens spend hours on the phone and dress just like their friends. Many teens are focused on fitting in and are more likely to take unhealthy risks in order to be accepted by peers. Images from entertainment and advertising media may also play a powerful role in shaping teens' appearance and behavior. It's not uncommon for bullying and teasing to intensify, making school and other social activities painful for some teens.
What You Can Do
Teens still say that parents are the biggest influence in their lives. However, peers are growing in importance and your teen is still learning to control impulses. So you need to provide firm guidance on risky behaviors, such as drugs and alcohol use, violence and sex. Prepare your teen so he/she can resist pressures of drug use or other risk-taking. Respect the importance of friends, but try to stay connected and involved. Maintain family traditions and involve other trusted adults in your teen's life. Spend time talking with your teen every day and continue being active in his/her school and activities. Monitor and set limits on your teen's use of media and talk about unhealthy messages in popular media. If you suspect bullying is a problem, talk to your teen. Be positive and accepting, and acknowledge that the bullying is not his/her fault. Get your teen's input on how to address the problem and if needed, get help from school officials.
From Cooties to Cute
Teens start to have some romantic interests, interacting mainly over the phone, over the Internet or at school. They may begin pushing parents to allow them to date. Shyness, blushing, modesty and quick embarrassment are normal.
What You Can Do
Parents should establish an age for dating and hold to it, but allow room for negotiation. For example: parents may want to encourage group dating for younger teens or offer to host a BBQ or organize a get-together. This gives you the chance to plan something with your teen and meet his/her friends. During these early dating years, parents should also set curfews and encourage teens to check in at various times.
Information has been compiled from various
educational and counseling resources